Jokes from ShashiBansal


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Friday July 21, 2006

How Hand Golves Are Made

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to Tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...
 
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
 
She said, "No."
 
"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up With a large tank of latex and the workers are all picked according to Hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in,
And then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right Onto their hands!

Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the Big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

And she didn't laugh a bit!!!
 
Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her Teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and Exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

Posted by ShashiBansal at 1:33 PM
0 Comments

Friday July 21, 2006

Match Making

A matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband  for her. "I'm ashamed to bring this up," he said, "but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample." 

The woman was shocked. "Such a thing you ask a virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing?"

The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, "He's a business man. He buys goods in the market and he sells goods. By him, it's not a big deal, a sample."

She  thought a minute. "He's a business man? So tell him I don't give samples. If he wants, I can give him references."

Posted by ShashiBansal at 1:31 PM
0 Comments

Thursday July 13, 2006

World's Safest Vehicle

In an Automobile Engineering Degree Final Exam it was asked

‘ Design a best, ideal vehicle of the world.’

On the answer sheet a guy drew a sketch of a Woman and captioned

“THE SAFEST, MOST AUTO-LOGICAL, USER FRIENDLY VEHICLE OF THE WORLD.”

The perplexed examiner sends the boy a note asking him to justify his answer.
The boy explains in this way

-It is SAFEST Because it has 4 bumpers- 2 in front & 2 at the back.

-It is AUTO-LOGICAL Because (a) It is SELF LUBRICANT when HOT. (b) It auto changes its -ENGINE OIL every month.
-It is USER FRIENDLY Because Every PISTON fits .!!!!

Posted by ShashiBansal at 7:19 AM
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Sunday July 16, 2006

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....
 
A little boy and a little girl attended
The same school and became friends.
 
Every day they would sit together to eat
Their lunch. They discovered that they both
Brought chicken sandwiches every day!This went
On all through the fourth and fifth grades,
Until one day he noticed that her sandwich
Wasn't a chicken sandwich.
 
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken,
Don't you like it anymore?"
 
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."
 
"Why?" he asked.
 
She pointed to her lap and said
"Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
 
"Let me see" he said.
 
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
 
He looked and said, "That's right. You are!
 
Better not eat any more chicken."
 
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until
One day he brought peanut butter. 
He said to the little girl, "I have to stop
Eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting
To get feathers down there too!
 
She asked if she could look,
So he pulled down his pants for her.
 
She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! 
You've already got the neck and the gizzards(Stomach)!!!"

Posted by ShashiBansal at 10:23 PM
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Tuesday July 18, 2006

"Blessing a Car"

A priest and a rabbi operated a church
and a synagogue across the street from
each other. Since their schedules
intertwined, they decided to go in together
to buy a car.

After the purchase, they drove it home
and parked it on the street between them.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out
and saw the priest sprinkling water on
their new car. It didn't need a wash, so
he hurried out and asked the priest what
he was doing.

"I'm blessing it," the priest replied.

The rabbi considered this a moment, then
went back inside the synagogue. He
reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw,
walked over to the back of the car and cut off
two inches of the tailpipe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









And made it Jewish Car.

Posted by ShashiBansal at 4:15 PM
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Friday July 21, 2006

Bush on Stem Cell

President Bush used his first veto to federal funding for the embryonic stem cell research.

However at G8 meeting reporters microphones picked up his off the record comment "Stem cells can be dangerous if people used them while driving the car"

Posted by ShashiBansal at 12:57 PM
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Monday July 03, 2006

Scrooge Scotts

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a
Low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over
The loch. For several minutes they sat silently,
Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said,
"A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
 
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot
Time for a wee kiss."
 
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him
Lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two
Turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
 
Minutes passed, then the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
 
"Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its noo aboot
Time for a wee cuddle."
 
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled
Him for a few seconds. Then he blushed. Then
The two turned once again to gaze out over the
Loch.
 
After a while, she again said, "Another penny for
Your thoughts, Angus."
 
"Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its aboot time
You let me pewt ma hand on yer leg."
 
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it
On her knee. Then he blushed. Then the two
Turned once again to gaze out over the loch
Before the girl spoke again.
 
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
 
The young man glanced down with a furled brow.
"Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit
More serious this time."
 
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with
Anticipation.
 
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
 
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush,
And bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate
Request.
 
And he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye
Paid me the first three pennies?"

Posted by ShashiBansal at 7:30 AM
1 Comments

Wednesday July 05, 2006

BirthDay Surprise

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks.

He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"

He did just that.
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

Posted by ShashiBansal at 11:46 AM
0 Comments