Jokes from Soul_Man


About Soul_Man

Dr. Ranbir Sinha is Indian living abroad since 1981. His interests range from environment-protection to social-development, singing to scientific research, traveling to meditation.

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Latest Jokes by Soul_Man





Monday November 21, 2005

2-little jokes

(just receieved from a friend, thought will share with you)


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One guy to the other "My Sister has the latest information, gossip on everybody.... She is always in Demand".

Oh yeah! "What do you call her?"

The other guy replied Info-Sys!

Posted by Soul_Man at 7:43 PM
0 Comments

Sunday November 06, 2005

Sleepy Mrs. Jones (R-rated)

A man approached the minister at his
church...."Reverend," he said, "We have a problem. My
wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's
very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What
can I do?"

"I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to
the task," said the minister. "Take this hat pin with
you. I can see when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and will
motion to you. When I motion, you give her a good Poke
in the leg with the hat pin.

He agreed to the plan. In church the following Sunday,
Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put
his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice
for you?" he said nodding to Mr. Jones.

"Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed
her in the leg with the sharp hat pin.

"Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!" came the
minister's quick reply.

Mrs. Jones then turned and glared angrily at her
husband. Mrs. Jones again nodded off. The minister
noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the
congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones.

"My God!" howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again
with the pin.

"Right again!" Bellowed the minister, a slight grin on
his face.

Mrs. Jones again gave her husband a real hard
threatening glare. Before long, though, she again
nodded off. This time however, the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he
made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as
signals to sharply poke his wife with the hat pin
again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam
after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones jumped up and shouted, "You stick that
thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it where the sun don't shine!"

"Amen!" replied all the women in the congregation.

Posted by Soul_Man at 4:58 PM
0 Comments

Friday May 06, 2005

French Men (politically Incorrect Joke + Adult-Rated)

French men are known for many wonderful talents they have especially with art and literature-

1) They fill little bottles with blue toilet water and sell it to fools all over the world as "Au du Toilet"
2) They nicely wrap the worst wrotten milk product that smells like a cat's fart, with greenish mould all over , and sell it to the world as French cheese
3) they do not brush their teeth, yet they can talk to a woman for half an hour and give her an organism
4) when sheep became illegal as sexual object they substituted it with a woman, but kept the sheep skin to preserve the feeling (French letter, the original sheep-condom)
5) they like wine so much that they stick their tongue down in the empty bottle to get the last drop of satisfaction.
6) I guess that's where French Kiss comes from.
7) They love potatos so much they call it Apple of the earth.
8) French toast wouldn't be so bad if it was fried.
9) If they polished their faces as much as their buildings, they would be shining too.
10) Some of them are living example of every dog had his day.
------------------------------------------------------
Dedicated to my Buddy W. and the Statue of Liberty

Posted by Soul_Man at 6:48 PM
0 Comments

Saturday April 23, 2005

R-Rated, Little Jonny!

little johnny was getting out of control, got suspended for 1 month from the school,so his parents arraged for an old woman to tutor him at home, and warned her about him too.

The old teacher looked at the sweet boy and said " we are going to work on your vocab" she picked up a book with lots of birds pictures and pointed to a one and said,"so find a word that rhymes with chick"

Johnny - "D###"

Teacher - "no no , you should have come up with thick, pick, ..."

Now what rhymes with duck?"

Jonny "Fu##"

Teacher " you could have thought of Luck? How about Parrot"

Jonny " Carrot"

Teacher " excellent! I already see a big improvement. Now how did you think of such a nice word?"

Jonny - "Well, I have a rabbit that likes to FU## the other rabbits, for that he need a strong Di##, and to have a strong Di##, he need to eat lots of carrots, so there it is"

The teacher fainted!

Posted by Soul_Man at 11:28 PM
0 Comments

Tuesday May 10, 2005

Kids In Grade School Think Fast

(e-mailed by a HumNRI friend. May be you have already read it. But still fun to read it again)

Kids in grade school think fast
***********************************

TEACHER Why are you late?

WEBSTER Because of the sign.

TEACHER What sign?

WEBSTER The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

_____________

TEACHER Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

CINDY You told me to do it without using tables!

_____________

TEACHER John, how do you spell "crocodile?"

JOHN K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER No, that's wrong

JOHN Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

_____________

TEACHER What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER What are you talking about?

SARAH Yesterday you said it's H to O!

______________

TEACHER George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE Here it is!

TEACHER Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS George!

______________

TEACHER Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WILLIE Me!

______________

TEACHER Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

______________

TEACHER Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."

ELLEN I is...

TEACHER No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."

ELLEN All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

_____________

TEACHER "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

JOHNNY "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

_____________

TEACHER "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

JOHNNY "Because George still had the ax in his hand."

______________

TEACHER Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SAM No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

_______________

TEACHER Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

DESMOND No, teacher, it's the same dog!

______________

TEACHER What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

PUPIL A teacher.

______________

SILVIA Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER I think so. What do you want me to write?

SYLVIA Your name on this report card

Posted by Soul_Man at 6:54 PM
3 Comments

Saturday April 09, 2005

The Difference

I saw a drunk man in a bar crying, so asked him "What's wrong?"
With his tearful eyes he said "I can never be Jesus"
I asked "why do you say that?"
The man replied " You see, Jesus turned water into wine, right? I on the other hand can only turn wine into piss"

Posted by Soul_Man at 11:35 PM
0 Comments

Monday January 17, 2005

R-Rated Indian Stand Up Comedy

Click on the link below, turn up the volume. It's one hour video. You may need a High-speed connection,(ISDN/DSL/Cable etc.) Windows Media player or Real player
(WARNING! it contains languages and gestures not suitable for children)

Enjoy!

es/russell/russell.ram" target="_blank">rack1.nethosters.com/candyes/russell/russell.ram

Posted by Soul_Man at 6:46 AM
1 Comments

Tuesday March 15, 2005

Monkey And His Drug

(Heard from a friend yesterday)
A monkey was sitting on a tree and smoking his joint (Marjuana)and getting high. A small lizard approached him and asked What he was doing.
The monkey swang left right forward and back and said "I am smoking a joint, getting high and feeling good, do you want some?"
The lizard accepted the offer, took a puff, coughed a bit, and gave the joint back to the monkey.
The monkey laughed, "Ha Ha too strong for you? I am gonna finish it without any problem"

The lizard got thirsty said "Ya I feel thirsty and dizzy. I will go to the river drink some water and will be right back" And he headed to the river walking like someone realy stoned. The monkey laughed but was so stoned he fell off the tree.

The lizard was about to drink water from the river but slippe and fell into the river. A crocodile came, rescued him and saw his condition and asked "what is with you? you seem to be acting really funny?"
The Lizard told him the story and said "If you think I am acting funny, you shoud see the monkey under that tree" The crocodile thought that would be interesting and walked towards the tree. He approached the monkey and asked "Hey Monkey, how much did you smoke?"
The monkey slowly opened his eyes looked at the croc and exclaimed "Holy Sh!! How much did you drink?

Posted by Soul_Man at 1:53 AM
0 Comments

Sunday January 09, 2005

You Get What You Pay For (r-Rated)

A rich man in his 60s became impotent, the little friend of his seemed to go into a permanent sleep, just wouldn't get up. He tried all medicines and counselling, nothing worked. The young model he recently married wan't happy at all, and his life seemed worthless.

One lucky day he read a tiny ad in the newspaper that seemed to be the answer - he flew to a specialized clinic in SouthAfrica, paid Rand40'000, and the surgeon replaced his wrinkly thing with a young handsome Zulu monster. After a week of relaxing he flew back home and the Life was like in heaven.

He was talking to a friend about it in a bar about it. The friend said I need to get mine replaced too. He flew to the same clinic in southAfrica, but started making a deal. "Look, 40'000 is a total rip off. I won't pay more than 20000Rand for a replacement part. No way!"

The Surgeon agreed and replaced his. He was really happy to have saved 50% and upon returning home bragged about it to the other friends. After a few weeks, his friend asked "So how is love life"
He said "I can't believe it, it has become worse! It doesn't get up at all"

The friend worried, sympatheised with him, took him to the mens room and said "Show me". He did.

"Oh Sh*t, how can it work? this one was once mine"

Posted by Soul_Man at 6:51 AM
0 Comments