After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a
gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems
encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
correct the problem, and then respond in writing on
the lower half of the form what remedial action was
taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before
the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged
maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by
Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.

(P=The problem logged by the pilot)
(S=The solution and action taken by the mechanics)

PLeft inside main tire almost needs replacement.
SAlmost replaced left inside main tire.

PTest flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
SAuto-land not installed on this aircraft.

PSomething loose in cockpit.
SSomething tightened in cockpit.

Plaugh <img src=">ead bugs on windshield.
SLive bugs on back-order.

PAutopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
SCannot reproduce problem on ground.

PEvidence of leak on right main landing gear.
SEvidence removed.

Plaugh <img src=">ME volume unbelievably loud.
Slaugh <img src=">ME volume set to more believable level.

PFriction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
SThat's what they're there for.

PIFF inoperative.
SIFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

PSuspected crack in windshield.
SSuspect you're right.

PNumber 3 engine missing.
SEngine found on right wing after brief search.

PAircraft handles funny.
SAircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

PTarget radar hums.
SReprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

PMouse in cockpit.
SCat installed.

PNoise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
STook hammer away from midget.