Jokes from Soul_Man


About Soul_Man

Dr. Ranbir Sinha is Indian living abroad since 1981. His interests range from environment-protection to social-development, singing to scientific research, traveling to meditation.

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Latest Jokes by Soul_Man





Sunday April 28, 2002

Dirty Jokes, Rated -5

Women are greedy, give them one inch and they want seven.
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At an employment office lobby
Man - what kind of job are you looking for?
Woman - anything related to sales maketting or basically any Job. And you?

Man - basically a B.J.
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Stupid+lazy=useless
Men are stupid, they spend 2 hours of fooling around for a 15 minutes work and then sleep for 8 hours so they are lazy too.

Posted by Soul_Man at 1:47 PM
0 Comments

Saturday April 27, 2002

Boeing

A man sitting at an airport, saw a plane take off. He wanted to show off his knowledge of Aircraft so he pointed to the plane and shouted "Boeing Boeing Boeing ..."

A man sitting close by told him "be silent"

The man corrected himself and repeated " Oeing Oeing Oeing ..."

Posted by Soul_Man at 10:56 AM
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Tuesday April 23, 2002

Chinese Proverbs

Received from a friend today
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CHINESE PROVERBS
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Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
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Man who run in front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind car get exhausted.
**********
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
**********
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
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Man with one chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong man with four balls cannot walk.
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Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
**********
Crowded elevator smell different to midget

Posted by Soul_Man at 5:53 AM
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Saturday April 13, 2002

Khichdi !

"My life is beautiful, and this beauty you see next to me, is my life" - Ranbir
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I pray "God give me one more day
just to to be able to pray
God give me one more day"
I have fooled God for a long time this way,
Or may be he/she likes my humor. - Ranbir
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"You can take a boss to the computer
but you can't make him think" - Ranbir
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"If I were you and you were me I will love you like crazy" - Ranbir (never worked)
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Pick up line I learned from My English friend
"Hey, have you got some Indian in you?"
"Nope!"
"Do you want some?"
- (slap)

Posted by Soul_Man at 5:52 PM
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Tuesday February 26, 2002

Paint Job

(Source joker@joker.org)
Paint Job
---------
Two men were down on their luck and decided to paint houses to earn
some extra money. To start their business they asked the local parish
priest if he would be interested in their service...

He agreed and the men went out to buy the paint. As they drove to
the paint store they decided that they would mix half paint and half
water to try to increase their profits. When they finished the job
they called the priest outside to look at their work.

"It looks wonderful," the priest said and as he started to hand
them the check a small raincloud appeared. All at once there was
lightning and thunder and the parish area was drenched with rain.
As the rain hit the church the paint started running.

Suddenly, as the three of them stood there in absolute amazement,
a voice from heaven said ... "Repaint and thin no more."

(For those unfamiliar with Bible, the real command was "repent and sin no more")

Posted by Soul_Man at 3:47 AM
0 Comments

Tuesday February 05, 2002

Filthiest Joke I've Ever Heard!

Received from the coolest ABCD guy.

A couple has been happily married for 40 years. The
only friction in their marriage was the husband's
habit of breaking wind loudly every morning when he
awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell
would make her eyes water and cause her to gasp for
air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop
ripping them off because it was making her sick. He
told her that he couldn't stop and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor
because she was concerned that one day he would blow
his guts out. The years went by and he continued to
rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning, as she was preparing
the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound
asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the
turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the
spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She
took the bowl upstairs where her husband was sound
asleep and gently pulled back the bed covers. She
pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants
and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his
usual trumpeting, followed by a blood curdling scream
and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the
bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she
rolled on the floor laughing with tears in her eyes.
After years of torture she smiled as she enjoyed
getting back at him. About twenty minutes later the
husband came downstairs in his sadly stained
underpants, a look of horror on his face. She bit her
lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said,
“Honey, you were right. All those years you warned me
and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up
blowing my guts out and today it finally happened.
But...by the grace of God and some Vaseline, I think I
got most of them back in!"

Posted by Soul_Man at 2:38 PM
0 Comments

Saturday January 26, 2002

Shut Up!

(received from a friend)
At every wedding all the older aunts and relatives used to poke me between the ribs and say "you are next".

They stopped doing that to me when I started to do the same to them at every funeral.

Posted by Soul_Man at 8:46 AM
0 Comments

Monday January 21, 2002

Road Stop

A Highway patrol police stopped a car

"How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?"
demanded the policeman.

The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a low
moan. His distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease
up on him a bit. "Aw, come now," he said, "you don't have to take
it so hard. It isn't that serious."

"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "What happened to my boat and
trailer?"
-----------------------------------
Source Joke of the day joker@joker.org

Posted by Soul_Man at 2:53 AM
0 Comments

Saturday January 12, 2002

Cute One

A man walks into a lonely bar with a small animal on the shoulder and orders a beer sits on the stool and pats his pet gently.

Just to start a conversation ..
he bar tender asked - "what's his name?"

Man - "Tiny"

Bartender - "Why do you call hime tiny?"

Man - "because he is my nute"



(iin case you didn't laugh, nute is an animal and minute you know ..)

Posted by Soul_Man at 2:23 PM
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