Jokes from Lamboo


About Lamboo

I am the super cop of this site. Apnese no fanka please...

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Latest Jokes by Lamboo





Friday November 16, 2001

Smell Like...

Two ladies walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume
counter and pick up a sample bottle.

Sylvia sprays it on her wrist and smells it,

"That's quite nice, don't you think, Lesley?"

"Yeah. What's it called, Syl?"

"Viens a moi."

"Viens a moi? What does that mean?"

At this stage the assistant offers some help.

"Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'."

Sylvia takes another sniff and offers her arm to Lesley again saying,

"That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"

Posted by Lamboo at 2:31 PM
0 Comments

Friday November 16, 2001

Disappearing Wife

A man left for work one Friday afternoon.

But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged
for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.

"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two
or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he
could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Posted by Lamboo at 2:28 PM
0 Comments

Sunday November 04, 2001

Secret Business

Two voices - male and female - on a plane.]

"I think everyone's asleep, lets go"

Sound of steps.]

"This one's empty ... no-ones looking... you go in first"

"It a bit cramped - let me sit down"

"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on"

Sniff sniff

"Ah perfume - you think of everything"

"This is great....." (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.

"This is the captain speaking, to those two people in
the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly
forbidden by airline regulations...














Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off
the smoke detector!"

Posted by Lamboo at 5:26 AM
0 Comments

Sunday November 04, 2001

In Bed

Wife Oh, come on. Please?
Husband Leave me alone.
Wife It won't take long.
Husband I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife I can't sleep without it.
Husband Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the
night?
Wife Because I'm Hot.
Husband You get hot at the darndest times.
Wife If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Husband If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Wife You don't love me anymore.
Husband Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Wife (Sob-Sob)
Husband Alright, I'll do it.
Wife What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Husband I can't find it.
Wife Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it.
Husband There. Are you satisfied?
Wife Oh, yes, honey.
Husband Is it up far enough?
Wife Oh, that's fine.






Husband Now go to bed and from now on when you want the window open,
do it yourself.

Posted by Lamboo at 5:27 AM
0 Comments

Sunday November 04, 2001

What A Style

Two friends were discussing having sex with their wives.

The first man says "Me and my wife sometimes do it doggy style.
How about you?"

The second man replies, "Well, not exactly. We do it
trick-doggy style."

"Is that kinky then?"


"Well, not really. You see I start it by sitting up like a dog
and begging for sex. Then my wife rolls over and plays dead!"

Posted by Lamboo at 5:28 AM
0 Comments

Tuesday November 06, 2001

Salia Wala !!

One Pakistani, having his business in Iron rods, was sitting in office and got a call...

Indian "SALIA (ROD) HAI? "
Paki "HAI."
Indian "GAND ME DAL DE" and the Indian disconnected the call.

Again on the next day paki got a call...
Same Indian "SALIA HAI ?"
Paki (trying to be smart) "NAHI HAI"
Indian "GAND ME DAL DIA KYA ?" and the indian disconnected the call.

On the third day again paki got the call from the same Indian...
Indian "SALIA HAI?"
Paki (trying to be oversmart) "HAI BHI OR NAHI BHI"
Indian "ANDER BAHAR KAR RAHA HAI KYA?" and indian disconnects the call.

The next day the Paki thinks of taking revenge.. so he calls up the indian...
Paki "SALIA HAI?"
Indian "KYON? GAAND MEIN DALNA HAI KYA?"

Posted by Lamboo at 5:51 AM
0 Comments

Thursday October 11, 2001

Pregnant Tension

In a second grade class, a little girl asks,

"Teacher, can my Mommy get
pregnant?",

"How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher.

"Forty." she replies.

"Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant."

The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"

"Well, dear, how old is your sister?"

The little girl answers, "Nineteen."

"Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant."

The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?"

"How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers,

"I'm seven years old."

"No, dear, you can't get pregnant..."

Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says,

"See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."

Posted by Lamboo at 7:53 PM
0 Comments

Thursday October 11, 2001

What Will Be The Name Of Our Baby

A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by
herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her.

Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?'

That'll scare them off."

So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her.

She asked him, "What will our baby be called?"

The boy found some excuse and disappeared.

Some time later, the same thing happened again a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders...

She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.

Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?"

He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off.

"What will our baby be
called?" she asked once more.

He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again.

After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said,

"If he gets out of this one...

David Copperfield!

Posted by Lamboo at 7:54 PM
0 Comments

Thursday October 11, 2001

Earning 50,000$

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers.

The woman says, " Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid" , said the woman.

The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house.

The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?"

The maid replied, "he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife."

The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

The maid says, "What will I have to do?"

The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with."

The maid puts the phone down the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."

A long pause and the woman says,

"Is this 555-4821?"

Posted by Lamboo at 7:56 PM
0 Comments

Thursday October 11, 2001

No Hurry

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories
during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time.

Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France."

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door.

"Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile,

"the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

Posted by Lamboo at 7:57 PM
0 Comments

Thursday August 02, 2001

Jayalalitha Riddle

What is the difference in

** what Monica did to Bill Clinton, and
** what Jayalalitha did to Atal Bihari?

Monica gave Bill a Blow Job,

whereas

Jaya only Blowed and Atal is still doing his own Job.

Posted by Lamboo at 9:06 PM
0 Comments

Thursday October 25, 2001

Blind Man & His Dog

A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg.

The man then reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit.
A busybody who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!"

The blind man responded, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the butt!"

Posted by Lamboo at 7:09 AM
0 Comments

Thursday August 02, 2001

Job Application

Dear all,

If you have any vacancy please consder this application as this
candidate
is looking out for a job, Please help him out in the way
you all can

CURRICULUM VITAE

Name Pakya Bhai Supariwala
Objective To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)
Education PHd, Osama Bin Laden University

major Airline bombings
sub Thesis Resource Analsis flow for embassy bombings
MS (Criminal Sciences)
Virginia Prison for International Smugglers
and the Unlawful(VPISU),August 1996.
Thesis "On escaping from high security prisons like
Alcatraz with minimal efforts"
BS (Crime Technology)
Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
Coursework Cop Psychology,
Plastic Explosives Technology,
Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory,
International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking,
Object Oriented Crime Design(OOCD)including Visual OOCD
Work Experience
Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna,Aug 1990-Aug
1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange,
strawberry and
mint flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)
Summer Internship
Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay,
June1987-July1990
* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many
supari style killings
* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made
hafta collections
Honors
* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child
prodigies in crime)
* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum)
student chapter
References
* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof.,Tihar Jail, New
Delhi
* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New
Delhi
* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai

Posted by Lamboo at 9:06 PM
1 Comments

Sunday October 21, 2001

Amazing Carpets

An American fighter pilot was flying his F16 aircraft over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on his left hand-side on which sat a man with a
machine gun. He looked to his right and saw another carpet also manned by a man with a machine gun.

"I've got to get out of this", he thought so he accelerated flat out and put his plane into a high speed loop and came up behind both carpets.

He then shot them both down.

On arriving back at his Aircraft Carrier he was told to report to the captain immediately.

"You idiot !" shouted the captain, "we saw what you did on our radar and now we're in a load of trouble"

"What do you mean ?" asked the pilot, "I shot both carpets down"

"I know that", said the captain, "but they were Allied Carpets.

Posted by Lamboo at 9:43 AM
0 Comments

Friday June 29, 2001

Blood Test.

Banta and Santa are outside a clinic. Santa is crying very loudly.

Banta Why are you crying?

Santa I came here for blood test.

Banta So? Are you afraid?

Santa No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the Banta started crying. Santa was astonished.

Santa Why are you crying now?

Banta I have come for my urine test!

Posted by Lamboo at 5:34 AM
0 Comments

Thursday July 05, 2001

80 ~ 20 ~ 102

My ideal measurements for a woman are...

80 20 102
80 years old
20 million in the bank
102 fever

Posted by Lamboo at 6:38 AM
0 Comments

Wednesday July 25, 2001

Who Enjoys It Better?

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an
argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why
do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything,"

the woman countered.

"Think about this when your ear itches and you put your finger in
it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better?

your ear or your finger?"

Posted by Lamboo at 7:07 PM
0 Comments

Thursday July 12, 2001

In Tune With Needs

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.

"The husband says "WHAT??"

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits.

She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings.

The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says

"but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.

She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register."

The husband stops and says,

"No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

The wife's face goes blank.

"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode and the Husband says,

"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man".

Posted by Lamboo at 5:51 AM
0 Comments

Monday June 25, 2001

Gay Elephant

This guy has been raped by an Elephant and rushes to a Doctor.

The Doctor asks him to bend over so he can examine his Rear. After the
examination the doctor says,

"man your Anus is TEN inches wide, how come. I was given to understand that Elephants
have Thin Long Penis's."

"Yeah", says the man,

"But he fingered me first."

Posted by Lamboo at 5:49 AM
0 Comments

Wednesday July 04, 2001

Some Women

A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.

"That fellow from Sematol will be along this afternoon to
inseminate one of the cows. I've hung a nail by the right stall
so you'll know which one I want him to impregnate."

Satisfied that his wife could understand the instructions, the farmer left for town.

That afternoon, the 'Inseminator' arrives, and the wife
dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall
with the nail.

"This is the cow right here," she tells him.

"What's the nail for?" the guy asks.

Replies the wife, "I guess it's to hang up your pants."

Posted by Lamboo at 7:37 PM
0 Comments

Saturday July 07, 2001

The Hunter

A guy went out hunting. He had all the gear, the jacket, the
boots and the double-barreled shotgun. As he was climbing over
a fence, he dropped the gun and it went off, right on his penis.
Obviously, he had to see a doctor.

When he woke up from surgery, he found that the doctor had done
a marvelous job repairing it. As he got ready to go home, the
doctor gave him a business card. "This is my brothers card. I'll
make an appointment for you to see him."

The guy says "Is your brother a doctor?"

"No," Doc replies, "he plays the flute. He'll show you where to
put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

Posted by Lamboo at 9:07 PM
0 Comments

Thursday July 12, 2001

Hot Mama

An old hearing-impaired gentleman was visiting his doctor.

The doctor just informed him warned to be careful, as he had a heart murmur.

The doctor was therefore most surprised to see the old fellow out on the town, whooping it up.

He got his attention and took him
aside.

"Don't you remember what I told you the other day?!" he
inquired.

"Oh, I surely do." the old gent replied.

"Best dang advice I ever
had. I did just as you said. I got me a hot mama and I'm cheerful!"

Posted by Lamboo at 2:32 PM
0 Comments

Monday June 25, 2001

The Agent

The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day that she
had been selling her body at a hundred dollars a night. The
agent, who had long lusted for her, hadn't dreamed that she had
been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much
she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.

She agreed to spend the night with him, but said he would have
to pay her the same hundred dollars that the other customers
did. He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked,
"Don't I even get my agent's ten percent as a deduction?"

"No siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to
pay full price for it, just like the other Johns."

The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed. That night,
she came to his apartment after her performance at a local night
club. The agent did her at midnight, afterwards turning out all
the lights.

At 1 A.M., she was awakened again. Again she was vigorously
done. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she
was made love to. The actress was impressed with her lover's
vitality.

"My goodness," she whispered in the dark, "you are so virile.
I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent."

"I'm not your agent, lady," a strange voice answered. "He's at
the darn door selling tickets."

Posted by Lamboo at 5:43 AM
0 Comments

Wednesday July 04, 2001

Hotel Rest Stop

A man and his wife had been traveling for 18 hours when
they decided to stop for a few hours to rest.

They checked into a nice hotel and slept for four hours. When they were
ready to continue their trip, they went downstairs to pay their bill.

The desk clerk handed them a bill for $350. The man exploded, and said the bill
was too high, asking to see the manager.

The manager met them at the front desk and explained that the hotel has an olympic pool
and a nice conference room and they were available for the couple's use.

"But we didn't use them!" the man complained.

The manager insisted that the room and pool were available for them, as well as tickets to several shows.

The man explained they didn't use any of those things, to which the manager replied,

"But you could have."

Finally, needing to get back on the road, the man wrote a check for $100. The manager
looked at the check and said,

"This is only for $100."

The man replied,

"That's right. I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't sleep with her!" the manager said.

The man smiled and said,

"Yeah, but she was here and you could have."

Posted by Lamboo at 7:37 PM
0 Comments

Wednesday July 04, 2001

What's Ur Age ???

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.

She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.

On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk,

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47,"

the woman said, feeling really happy.

After that she went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.

He replied,

"Oh, you look about 29."

"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.

While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.

He replied,

"I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand down your shirt I will be able to tell your exact age."

There was no one around, so the woman said,

"What the hell?"

and let him slip his hand down her shirt.

After feeling around for a while, the old man said,

"OK, You are 47."

Stunned, the woman said,

"That was brilliant! How did you do that?"

The old man replied,

"I was behind you in line at McDonalds.

Posted by Lamboo at 7:39 PM
0 Comments

Thursday July 12, 2001

The Naked Man

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh
hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards
her, screaming.

'Please come quickly!' she yelled, 'I just saw a naked man outside my window!!!'

The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.

'Where is he?' asked the receptionist.

'He's over there,' replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.

The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment.

'It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed,' she said reassuringly.

'And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?'

'The dresser, honey!' screamed the old lady.

'Try standing on the dresser!'

Posted by Lamboo at 5:50 AM
0 Comments

Thursday August 02, 2001

Cannibal Riddle

Q What's the definition of trust?

A Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Posted by Lamboo at 9:04 PM
0 Comments

Thursday July 12, 2001

Insurance Companies

Four insurance companies were in competition One came up with the slogan

"Coverage from the cradle to the grave"

The Second one tried to improve on that with

"Coverage from the womb to the tomb."

Not to be outdone, the third one came up with

"From the sperm to the worm."

The fourth insurance company really thought hard and
almost gave up the race, but finally came up with

"From the erection to the resurrection"

Posted by Lamboo at 2:33 PM
0 Comments

Tuesday July 10, 2001

Gud Wala And Mitti Ke Tel Wala

Ek baar ek mitti ke tail(tel) ka dukaandaar aur ek gud (jaggery) ka duknaadaar khaali baithhe baithhe bore ho jaate hain.


Tho gud ka dukaandaar ek idea deta hai ki

"chal yaar, koi customer nahin aa raha to hum aapas mein hi dhandha kate hain..
Kam se kam time to paas ho jaayega. Aisa kar too mere paas aa gud khareedane..

Tel waala bolta hai "thheek hai... Fir aagay."

Tel Waala "Lalaji, ek bottle gud dena.."
Gud Waala "Tch tch... Arre bhai, gud bottle ke tol mein nahin milta. Kilo mein milta hai.. Chal fir se aa... "

Tel Waala "Lalaji, ek kilo gud dena, bottle mein....'
Gud Waaa (frustrated) "Nahin nahin yaar... To nahin samjhega..... Aisa kar too yahaan baithh, main tujh se gud khareedane aata hoon."

Gud Waala "Lalaji zara ek kilo gud dena.."
Tel Waala "Bottle Laaya hai ???"

Gud waala fainted....

Posted by Lamboo at 5:40 AM
0 Comments

Wednesday July 25, 2001

Red And Shiny

The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class
the following question,

"What is bright red and shiny?"

Little Johnny jumped up and shouted,

"A fire engine!!!!???"


"No! No!"

said the teacher,

"But I like the way you think.. Anyone else?"

Little Susan replied that it was an apple and the
teacher was happy except Johnny of course..

Little Johnny asked the teacher if he can ask a question to
which she nodded OK.

"What is long, hard, rounded and has hair at one end?"

"JOHNNY!!!" she screamed,

"WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK HERE..."

Johnny replied,

"No, it's a toothbrush, but I like the way you think"..


Posted by Lamboo at 7:06 PM
0 Comments

Monday June 11, 2001

Complete Satisfaction

Once santa and his wife met with a terrible accident in which the santa's wife's face
was severely burned.

The doctor told santa singh that they couldn't graft any skin from
her body because she was too thin.

So santa singh offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the
only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have
to come from his buttocks.

Both the couple agreed that they would tell no one about where
the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their
secret.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the
woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had
before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her
youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with santa, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you
for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay
you."

"My darling," he replied, "Think nothing of it. I get all the thanks
I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Posted by Lamboo at 11:22 PM
0 Comments

Tuesday June 12, 2001

The Interview Help

Santa and Banta are two friends. Santa singh has very good job. Banta
singh is jobless and one day asks Santa for some good Job.

Santa singh says
"OK next time we will apply together"

and they do.

On interviw day, santa singh says

"first I will go inside and answer all questions except last
one, and after coming out, i would give u the all answers and questions.
So u go and then answer there. You will get the Job."

So, Santa goes in.

EMPLOYER When we got independence?
SANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER Good. Who is our PM?
SANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER OK. What's India's population?
SANTA (He was not to reply last one so he says)
Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.

Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh.

Banta singh was real santa and he remembers all answers.
He goes in Now.

EMPLOYER When were u born?
BANTA Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER What???? Who is your father?
BANTA It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER Employer is upset now. Are u Mad Mr. Banta?

BANTA Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.

Posted by Lamboo at 5:27 AM
0 Comments

Monday June 11, 2001

Suprise Effect

Sachin Tendulkar and Vinod Kambli have been very close friends since
childhood. They used to do all things together,

e.g., both started going to school together, both passed their SSC exams
together (with identical marks), both started playing cricket together,
both were selected to the Bombay Ranji cricket team together, both
went to college together, and both ended up joining the Indian cricket
team together.

Finally, both got engaged (to different girls) together and both decided
to get married on the same day.

After that, both their wives get pregnant on the same day and the doctor gives
the same delivery date for both.

On the delivery date, Kambli's wife gives birth to a boy while
Sachin's wife gives birth to twins!

Kambli gets confused.

He goes to Sachin and says,

"How come? We have been doing the same things all our life. How come
I get a son and you get twins?"

When Sachin replies,

"Boost is the secret of my energy",

Kapil appears behind them and adds,

"Our energy".

Posted by Lamboo at 11:26 PM
0 Comments

Monday June 18, 2001

Enbarassing Names

Back in Delhi when I was introduced to a Mr. Arvind Lele, he extended his
hand and said "Lele".

Taking his hand, I found it impossible to avoid replying "Dede".

He had a Goan wife who had separated from him, since her first name and the
surname did not go together when she got married.

Her name was Rosemary.

You can see it was pretty embarrassing for her every time she said her full
name. {Roj meri lele!)

Out in USA, imagine the plight of an American lady ntroducing two Indians
to each other with a straight face

She gestures towards the Indian lady, saying "See my butt",
and then towards the gent with "Shake my boob".

That is how Seema Bhatt met Sheikh Mehboob.


Posted by Lamboo at 11:45 AM
0 Comments

Tuesday February 13, 2001

Need Some Advice

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer

Posted by Lamboo at 7:56 PM
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Friday February 23, 2001

Frayed Knot

Three strings walk into a bar. They sit down and one string walks up to the counter and says "I'd like to buy a drink for me and my friends." The bartender says "We don't serve to strings"

The second string does the same thing and was told the same thing.

The third string decides to tie himself into a knot and fray the top part of himself to make himself look bigger.

He walked up to the bartender and said "I'd like drinks for me and my friends" the bartender says "Are you a string?" The string says "Frayed Knot!"

Posted by Lamboo at 8:50 PM
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Friday June 15, 2001

The Choohas Wish

A young Chooha walks past an Elephant. He has never seen a Creature
this huge. The Chooha stands as tall as he can, takes a deep Breath
pushes his chest out and says to the Elephant

"vaise mai bachpan main beemar ho gaya tha, nahin to mere
bhi health kafi acchi hoti thee"

Once a Chooha (Mouse) saved the life of an Elephant by
biting off the net the Elephant was trapped in.
"I will do anything for you for saving my life" says the Elephant

The Chooha wants to have sex with the Elephant,
who smiles and complies.

He climbs the hind legs of the Elephant and attempts to do what he can,
he feels a little more amorous (wants some kisses) so he climbs down the
hind legs, runs around the elephant and climbs up the trunk and
lands some wet kisses on the Elephants cheek.

The Chooha then climbs down the trunk and runs up the hind legs to
give the Elephant some more loving. This happens a few times until the Chooha
falls in front of the Elephant ... Exhausted.

"bas ho gaye" says the Elephant

"actually mujhe distance ne maar diya, nahih tau maine bas kara dene thi"
Says the Chooha catching his breath

Posted by Lamboo at 1:44 PM
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Friday June 15, 2001

Tyres For The Car

A man, who had just bought a new Maruti, walked by a shop in Green Park
(or where ever) that had tires everywhere outside, against the walls,
hanging from the pillars, etc (you know how these shops are)

Customer (to shopkeeper)
"mainu Maruti lai Radial Tire laine hai ji, MRF Zigma"

Shopkeeper "Par Bhai sahib asi tire bechde he nahin"

Customer "hai, tusi tire nahin bechde? Phir kis cheej de dukaan
hai ji yeh? (you don't sell tires, then what do you guys do)

Shopkeeper "asi, Sunnat karde hai ji" (we do circumcisions).

Customer (even more surprised) " hai, Sunnataan karde ho
te dukaan de bahar tire tange hoi hain, kamaal hai"!!
(what's the scoop?)

Shopkeeper "Bhaisahib, dukaan da kuch taa nishaan rakhan
se na, asi bahaar Laude taan tang nahin sakde"!
(have to have some sort of symbol for the store,
can't have Dicks hanging outside)


Posted by Lamboo at 1:14 PM
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Monday February 26, 2001

Computer Business

This yuppie couple in started their own computer business and for a while did really well. Then after the great internet crash, business started dropping off.

During a heated spat over finances the husband said, "Well, if you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid."

The wife, fuming, shot back, "Oh Yeah ??? Well, if you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur AND the gardener."

Posted by Lamboo at 8:24 PM
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Friday June 15, 2001

The Planned Act

An Ex-Ghasti (Ghasti = Hooker or Prostitute), marries this naive fellow who
does not know anything about her past life.

Now the Ex-Ghasti is afraid her husband will find about her past as
soon as he has sex with her- Because of her "Khulli Choot" {Loose Pussy).
Now she seeks advice from a friend (also a hooker) who instructs her to
let out a huge shout the minute the Husband penetrates her, in the
act of lovemaking. When

he asks what the problem is she should say that he has "broken Her seal".

As she was a virgin, before she met him etc etc...

So it's Suhaag Raat time, and after the ice has been broken, the newly
weds are all set to have sex for the first time. The Bridegroom positions
himself above his bride, and penetrates her.

She has practiced her dialogues as well as the scream. And let go
this thunderous shout, that leaves the room shaking.

Strangely enough the Bridegroom also lets go an shout
of equal proportion.

The Husband it the first to recover from the shock.

Husband (to wife) "Tum kyon Chillaiee?" (Why did you shout?)

Wife "Mere seal toot gaye" (You broke my seal) just the way she had been instructed

The woman is curious as to why the man screamed, and asks him-

Wife (to husband)"Aur tum kyon chillaaee?" (Why did you shout?)

Husband "Mere tattee phans gaye" (My balls got stuck).

Posted by Lamboo at 1:16 PM
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Friday June 15, 2001

Kadi Tapasiya

A devotee of Shiv decides to pray to the lord and ask
for 36 lunds (penises) as a boon.

He meditates in the jungle for 2 years, nothing happens ....

... stands on one leg and prays for 3 years ... nothing

... stands on one leg in an ice cold river for 5 years ... and lo ...

Lord Shiva Appears

"hum prassan hue prani" says the lord "kya vardaan mangte ho"?

"prabhu, mujhe chatees lund chaheeye" says the devotee

The Lord Shiva raises his hand and in a flash the devotee's
body gets 36 penises attached all over.

The devotee is very Happy- thanks the lord, and is on his way home.
About 20 later the devotee hears a noise behind him, he turns
around to see the Lord Shiva riding his chariot towards him ...

"oyee... oyee..." says the lord

"yeh tatton ka tokra kya tera baap leke jayega" says
Shiva handing him a basket full of testicles.

Posted by Lamboo at 1:43 PM
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Friday June 15, 2001

Breaking The Line

A haraami type Delhite (aren't they all) goes to Madras, and finds himself
waiting for a bus (that too at the back of the line)

The bus shows up, and our man Delhi style shoves his way forward. He is
about to get on when a 'Madarasi' taps him on the shoulder and says

"aaeyo ji, kya karta"

"maa choodata" replies the Delhite.

"Par bari to mere hai" says the Madrasi.

Posted by Lamboo at 1:07 PM
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Monday June 18, 2001

Saving The Hat

An old lady stood at the railing of a cruise ship, holding on tight to
her hat so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached
her and said,

"Pardon my forwardness, madam, but were you aware that your dress
is blowing up in the wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need both hands to hold onto this
hat."

"But madam," the gentleman said in a worried tone, "you must know that
your private parts are exposed!"

The old lady glanced down, then back up at the man and replied,

"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat
yesterday!"

Posted by Lamboo at 11:43 AM
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Monday June 18, 2001

Increment Request By Naughty Employee

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for
the following reasons

I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before
you have completed the day's work
And if that were not all, you have been seen
constantly entering and leaving
the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

Posted by Lamboo at 11:44 AM
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Tuesday June 12, 2001

Mobile Phones

Once four gujju wives met at a paty talking about their husband's
new cellular phones.

First gujju wife says to others,

"Maro pati ne paas mota laura (Motorola) che! "

Second gujju wife replies,

"Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga?
Errection (Ericsson) chahiye! "

So the third gujju wife steps up and says,

" Aree mota laura bhi thick hai, errection bhi thick hai,
par semen (Siemens) nahin to kya fayda? "

Then the fouth said,

"mota laura bhi ho, errection bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na kiya
(Nokia) nahin to fayda kya? "

Posted by Lamboo at 5:18 AM
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Wednesday June 20, 2001

Some Funny Movie Scenes

Pyar To Hona Hi Tha
-------------------
Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at
the railway station and the train chugs off without
her. Poor girl, little did she know that every train
compartment has four toilets inside.

Rangeela
--------
Aamir Khan tells his friend that he will take Urmila
Matondkar for a chinese meal. Strangely when they are
in restaurant, Aamir Khan orders usal pulav etc.
What's happened to the wish for noodles ?

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi
---------------------
Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America.
Jet Airways does not fly abroad.

Raja Hindustani
---------------
Navneet Nishan has short hair before marriage. But
after tying the knot, overnight she acquires
waist-length hair. What a hair raising experience !!

Raja
----
Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri.
Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and
pours it over Dilip Tahil. Who filled the can?

Guddu
-----
Manisha & Shahrukh are seen hanging from a parachute
during a song. But when the song ends, they land down
on the glider. What a switch above sea level !!!

Tere Mere Sapne
---------------
Priya Gill is doing her B.A. But at the bus stop, she
is carrying her electrical technology by .L.Theraja.
What an electrifying change of discipline !!!

Guys, I think this one takes the cake.

Jung
----
Rambha files a case against Ajay Devgan accusing him
of rape and produces 3 photographs to prove her claim.
However in the three photos, she's wearing three
different dresses. Wonder how she finds the time to
change clothes while being raped !!!

Posted by Lamboo at 6:17 PM
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